everybody who has a dog calls him "rover" or "boy". i call my dog "sex".

now, sex has been very embarrassing to me. when i went to get his license, i told the clerk i would like to have a license for sex. he said "i'd like to have one too"! then i said, "but this is a dog". he said "i didn't care what she looked like". then i said "you dont understand, i've had sex since i was 9 years old". he said i must have been quite a kid.

when i got married and went on my honeymoon, i took the dog with me. i told the hotel clerk that i wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for sex. he said that every room in the place was for sex. i said "you dont understand, sex keeps me awake at night". the clerk said "me too"!

one day i entered sex in a contest but before the competition began, the dog ran away. another contestant asked me why i was just standing there looking around. i told him i had planned to have sex entered in the contest. he told me that i should have sold tickets. "but you dont understand" i said, "i had hoped to have sex on television". he called me a show-off.

when my wife and i separated, we went to court to file for custody of the dog. i said "your honor, i had sex before i got married". the judge said "me too". then i told him that after i was married, sex had left me. he said "me too".

last night, sex ran off again. i spent hours looking around town for him. a cop came over to me and asked "what are you doing in this alley at 4 in the morning?" i said "i'm looking for sex...".

my case comes up on friday.